A Substantial Void

How will a Void look?

I had been writing blogs for a few days. And I write only when I feel like writing. Now there is a paradox that’s bugging my mind from a few days back. It’s just waiting to sting me. So let me write about the same today before it pains me to hell.

I am gradually edging to that fag end of my life wherein I have to put in daily hard effort to cohere my thoughts and actions. As a child when we grow up, most of us were squabbling in the ocean of possibilities. You like playing football, you will think you can be a good footballer or at least do something related to football. You got good marks in Physics for a few time with the help of divine intervention and that thought have definitely crossed your mind that you can be the next Stephens Hawkins. It’s like there are numerous floating stones in the ocean and depending on which one is near, you will hold on to any one of them and be happy for the rest of life. But there is one thing you can’t deny. With time, gradually the confusion of possibilities fade away by your decisions and you zero upon something which you will name as fate. Mostly this process of zeroing up doesn’t depend on your decisions absolutely, unlike a few lucky souls. Next comes the struggling phase when you speed up your train of thoughts to light years. But again that journey happens on a track whose destination is predefined. And in a very few cases if you achieve, after few years, on a sunny bright morning, when you will be trying to overpower the pain of your knee joint reaching the table to grab the cup of coffee, the pain of contemplation will strike you sharp.

Either you will feel “why am I sad?” or you will question “why am I less happy?” or be that ignorant to feel “How happy I am!” (Reason for calling you ignorant is that by that time you will already be ignorant enough to dismiss the fact that you can even be happier, in absolute sense of the term). This contemplation will have a thicker part of the thought when you will question your decision of on to which track you have drove your train so far. The reason why you will contemplate will be because of the reason that your decisions in the past had been thoroughly circumstantially existential. Even that is fine if you are contented with the same. You might even go forward one step and tell it to yourself “Kinjal, your decision system was nourished by the maturity which was the outcome at that particular period of time. So it is fine if your achievements are compromised because your decision system was also compromised”

Now here comes the paradox for a free soul. You will want a life which is free in the most absolute terms it can be (Not even an iota of relativity) but again you will decide with a system which is relative to its core. So what I am trying to say in a nutshell is that you are measuring an absolute parameter with a one which is relative. My question is very simple, pretty irrelevant and superbly abstract. Can you think of an absolute void? As if I am in a space where someone with an eraser is erasing all the substances surrounding my existence and wiping away the slate of my mind with a duster. I know it is doable, to elevate your mind to that level and think. I have heard and seen saints doing that. But how to do so? Some code books? Have tried and tested. But I want it (my existence) completely clean and clear with an implosion and explosions of Hollowness!!